I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
