All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
