Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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