The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
