Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
