I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
