Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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