'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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