Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
