i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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