You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
