dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
