I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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