It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
