I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
