hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
