3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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