Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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