so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he fucked my hip out of place.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
