Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
