i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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