were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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