I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
