I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
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