Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
