just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My vagina just recognized that song.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
