just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
