it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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