did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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