Pappa wants mamma naked
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
