Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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