i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
