weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
