Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
