I've blown a few things in my day
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
