I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the day after is always just damage control
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
