Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
