roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
