Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
