I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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