Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
