I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He did a backflip because drugs
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
