420 ftw
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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