she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
