the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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