i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
