good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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