I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
