Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
