I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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