come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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