Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
