girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
