Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
