vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
