My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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