PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
