Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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