I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
