If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
birth control should be required to get into college
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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