Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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